Tuesday, December 01, 2020

Sappy Stuff is Cancelled

 I drew this cartoon over a year ago and never posted it.

Little Bro is about to turn 8, and Big Bro is a borderline tween. One is halfway to driving and the other is halfway to adulthood. ACK.

I hereby cancel any books, songs, shows and memes that remind me of how short a time we have with our kids as kids and how quickly they grow up. This includes, but is not limited to:

  • Google Photos' Auto-Generated "They Grow Up So Fast" slide shows of your kids over time, set to sentimental music.
  • Memes about our houses being clean one day... and quiet and empty and lonely and sad (!).  Or how you only have 18 summers or Christmases or however many Saturdays, so don't waste any on practical stuff like groceries or cleaning the garage or whatever.
  • Love you Forever by Robert Munsch (aside: not creepy BTW, so knock it off. All of Munsch's books have over-the-top plot twists, even the sentimental ones. Kids no more think their mom will crawl up a ladder into their grown-men bedrooms at night than they'll be attacked by a sentient mud puddle. I do wonder how the mom seems to age about 60 years in the book, though).
  • The song Forever Now by Michael BublĂ©, with the time-lapsed kid's room going from baby to child to teen to moving boxes in four minutes). Darn you, BublĂ©, How is he not a blubbering mess by the end?
  • That stupid scene in Toy Story 3 when Andy moves out.

I do continue to look forward to each new phase. Just stop making my face leak so much in the meantime.

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Working from Home... With Kids

Hi folks, Long time no see.

Hope all is well during the COVID-19 social distancing measures. Those of you fortunate enough to work from home... how are you finding it with kids?

There's a reason I use the text chat feature instead of the mic. 

Monday, May 13, 2019

New 'do... or Not

Other than my brief Meg Ryan "You've Got Mail" duck-butt haircut phase in my early 20s, my haircuts haven't been too wild and crazy. Usually I keep it on the longer side. Versatility and so on.

Sometimes I think, hey, maybe I should cut it shorter for a change. Recently, I brainstormed what I might ask for at the next appointment to, you know, mix it up a bit.

Then later that week, we were getting dressed to go outside. My hair was tucked in my scarf. My observant son pipes up:

So in conclusion, at the next appointment I will be requesting the usual quarter-inch trim.

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Daily Recap

I went back to work this year after over 7 years at home with the kids (hence my recent lack of cartoons; I don't know which end is up these days), so the kids were off to school. I'm up at 5:30 a.m. so I can finish in time to see my boys' shining faces at the dismissal bell.

I'm always anxious to hear how their day went. What did they learn? Who did they play with? What new skill did they pick up? What new discoveries were made, what new books read, etc.?

LOL JK. Kids don't share those things.

When I was a teacher, I used to think I was doing all this cool stuff with the students, and the parents would tell me all their kid recalled about their day was that "Ms. P. is so tall, she can touch the ceiling". Well that's great, kids. I'm glad to see all that all those evenings spent prepping activities paid off.

*Sniff* you never know how the impact you'll have on a child, truly. 

As for my kids, we're into April and pretty much every recap I get is entirely lineup politics. 

If anything interesting happened in the day, the dismissal lineup wipes it from memory. etiquette, fairness, glory, etc. You gotta save face if you don't get your preferred spot... (That is why "First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest" was invented. Keep that zinger in your pocket for the next time someone butts in front of you at the grocery store)

So that's their daily takeaway. I have no idea what they do in school. Maybe one day I'll get to hear about super cool Science experiments and new French vocabulary, but not today, I guess.  

Saturday, March 09, 2019

Who Would Win?

Quick! Look at these two tanks, and tell me...

Which one do you think is stronger?
Which one do you think will WIN?

Did you say the blue one because it has a bigger cannon? Or the red one because it has a BUNCH of cannons? Is one of them the bad guy, and do you take that into account? What about which has the more mad face?... Answer fast, because there is a right answer, and the artist knows what it is.

I get ambushed daily by my six-year-old with pairs of drawings or toy vehicles or superheroes, and I get a pop quiz where I have three seconds to deduce which would win; which is stronger; which one is faster; which one is scarier. The stress!

On a related note, I see in the book orders the kids bring home that there's a whole "Who Would Win?" series. featuring various pairs of fierce animals facing off. I bet that author had (or was) a kid like mine.

Monday, October 15, 2018

The Latest Groovy Joe Installment

When I like a song and can't make out the lyrics, I Google them so I don't make a fool of myself, even if there's no one else around to hear.

Kids, though, they'll just belt it right out whether or not their understood lyrics are even words. Oh, to have that confidence. 

Kids love singing and music. How do you get the attention of a rowdy class of kids?  How do kids learn the months of the year, days of the week, or rituals that aren't fun but maybe are a bit if you add a song? (I'm looking at you, Barney's "Clean Up"). Songs! That's how.

(Maybe I need a song that makes a game of emptying the recycling, a la Mary Poppins. Something like 'sorting plastic something something fantastic'. I'll let you know how it goes.)

Recently, I received a copy of Eric Litwin's latest book, If You're Groovy and you Know It, Hug a Friend. As with the previous books, Litwin gets children's attention using music and repetition.

The new book features Groovy Joe, previously seen in Groovy Joe: Ice Cream and Dinosaurs, and Groovy Joe: Dance Party Countdown. Joe is interacting with his animal friends and the world around him with his usual positive outlook on life. 

As with any of Litwin's books,  It's a book that a young child could easily "read", using the predictable text and Tom Lichtenheld's appealing drawings. As always, checking out the song online adds to the experience. 

All of Litwin's books can be found here. Perfect for when the kids want to belt out some songs... and build their reading skills while they're at it. In this instance, they'll even know the words. 

Monday, August 13, 2018

Weeee... or Not

As kids, my brother and I would play that game where you put your forehead on the end of an upright baseball bat, go around it seven times and let the hilarity commence as we stumbled dizzily around the lawn. Then we'd do it again.

Now that I'm an adult, all I have to do is watch the kids spinning at the park, and I want to barf. They can whip around and around, laughing all the while, but I can't even do a cartwheel without being in the fetal position for 20 minutes afterward.

Luckily I'm not called upon to do cartwheels often, but still.

Also, might I say that nothing makes you feel cooler than commiserating with a bunch of other adults about how stuff you used to like now makes you nauseated. No more "all you can ride" bracelets at the fair for us; everything is too high or moves too much.

Meanwhile, I just have to avert my eyes when the kids get going... from the comfort of my stationary park bench.