On the Subject of Two-Year-Olds, Part 1

I've learned so much about two-year-olds in the past six months of living with one and being around others. They're such neat people ("neat" as in "interesting", not as in "tidy". Bwahahaha!... no no, not tidy...).

Their feelings are so genuine, and they don't do things halfway. They're funny, smart, observant (too observant), extremely lovable and lots of fun... even on those days when you find yourself saying, "That's it! I've had it. I'm outta here. I'm going to Italy to Eat, Pray, Love."

I have made a few observations, which I'll share with you in this series entitled,

"On the Subject of Two-Year-Olds".

1. Misconceptions: You might mistakenly think a two-year-old is "shy"...

... but sometimes you just have to give them five minutes.

Give him a chance to get acquainted, and he'll talk the hind legs off a mule. Just like his Mama.

It's not just our family, though. We hosted some little buddies for his second birthday back in the winter, and most of them went through the standard hide-behind-the-legs ritual during greetings. Lots of  sing-songy "Say 'hello' to so-and-so"s from parents, but few actual 'hello's to be had. Two minutes later, they're strutting around like they owned the place, eating crackers and telling their life story.

They're not necessarily shy. They just need a chance to warm up, that's all (I, too, can be reserved until I get to know people well. I just don't hide behind anyone's legs).

A Real Balancing Act

The days can be a real balancing act trying manage the logistics of parenting a baby and older toddler. One day soon they'll play together, and we'll barely notice the 21-month difference. Right now, though, these early, physically demanding years are what I believe they call being "in the trenches".

The kids (now 2.5 and almost 9 months) are both at ages known for dependency and not for patience. Otherwise, their needs are pretty much all different, from eating to sleeping to playing. We have one who needs to nap, and another who wants to get going. One who can't yet walk, another who wants to climb all over everything.  One who loves to play with coins, and another who tries to eat everything.

There's us at the playground, me trying to help Big Bro navigate monkey bars (read: hold his entire weight while he touches each bar) at the same time as Little Bro dangles in the Snugli. I pulled a muscle just thinking about it now.

And yet, both are also at TOTALLY ADORABLE and fascinating ages, and I just want to hug and squeeze them to bits and lie on the floor with them and bask in all the "they're only small once" stuff and milestones and stories and shaking sillies out and more hugs and one-on-one time. And I want to do it to the same extent that I could do it when I had just one kid.

And, oh yeah, take care of myself and make food and do dishes and all that stuff that I used to do when days included a "nap time".

I'm a smart person who understands logically this is not possible, but somehow, I catch myself thinking that I should be able to manage all of my attention all of the time to each kid. I get myself all strung out thinking there must be a way I can cuddle one and wrassle with the other at the same time.

They're only young once! Savour every minute! ACK! I'm trying!

So it's an adjustment to process reality, even if I knew rationally this is how it goes, and sometimes I find myself feeling all bad for whichever kid is not getting the attention or whomever I'm missing out on. Aww, poor Big Bro is wandering around with a laundry basket on his head because he's been waiting all morning for his brother to wake up and eat before we can go out. Or, aww, poor Little Bro is all sleep-deprived because he's been tagging along at all his brother's activities. The humanity, I know.

I know they're fine. And I know it's good for them to have their own time to play and, you know, contemplate life. Good for me, too. Still though. I sometimes picture what goes through their minds...

The Allure of the Toy Car

I have always been intrigued by the apparent allure of toy cars.

It could be the tyke out and about with 3 dinky cars in each fist (my brother, once upon a time), the toddler intensely focused on the jeep he's driving over the arm of a chair, or the kid doing endless laps of the main floor pushing a dump truck, butt in the air and all. Or, as with my son, the impressive impromptu parking lot that is the staircase (a great setup when you're carrying a baby downstairs). Serious stuff.

Blocks, I get. Legos, Play-doh, all that stuff, I get. Sign me up for some son-and-Mom time with that. But the fascination and endless entertainment that comes from slithering along the floor pushing a dinky car? Help me out, here.

Now, I am 100% about gender-neutral toys. That said, I don't think I'm taking too big a leap to suggest this seems to be very much a boy thing. It wasn't a "me" thing, anyway. So I asked my husband to enlighten me.

Me: You were a boy once. So what's the big deal with cars? What's so fun about them?

Hubs: Well, you can do pretty much anything with them.

Me: Such aaaas...?

Hubs: Well, you can role-play with them. Like you would with Barbies.

(Now, I was never a Barbie aficionado either, but at least I get Barbies)

Me: But Barbies represent living beings. You can at least make them have conversations or go on
dates or hunt sasquatches or something.

Hubs: Yeah, well, with cars, you're being the driver. You can race, or have chases...

Me: And then after the first two minutes...?
__

I'm sure there's a whole world of possibilities in the imagination of a young boy when it comes to his cars, and I'm pretty impressed watching it in action. My own imagination is somewhat limited, though.

Brotherly Love

A lot of people have asked me over the past seven months how Big Bro "gets along" with Little Bro. How did he like the new addition? Does he pay attention to his brother?

I admit it wasn't love at first sight. Big Bro was not too keen on this new thing that Grammie and Grandad brought him to the hospital to meet. Our first attempt at a picture of all of us looked something like this:

I remember reading an excerpt from the Book Siblings Without Rivalry  (Faber and Mazlish) in which we are invited to put ourselves in the shoes of the former only child. We are asked to imagine if, say, our husbands came home one day with a new, younger, adorable "second wife" to add to the family, and we're expected to be excited about it.

God! Is that what it can be like for them? Heck! I'd be jumping out of the picture too. At LEAST!

I am an eldest child and was three and a half when my brother was born. I don't remember feeling dethroned, per se (I don't really remember anything), but I'm told I did ask when we were bringing him back. I quickly came to be very fond of him though.

I'm happy to say that Big Bro has seemingly also quite taken to his little brother in recent months, and I assure those with new second babies to hang in there as well. With lots of one-on-one time and important "Big Bro" jobs, he has come to see this new addition as a good thing (or maybe that he just forgets that Little Bro didn't exist before Christmas time).

Here's how I know that things are looking up:

1. He has started to interact with him. This includes showing him various items around the house. And of course you know I mean by "showing" I mean "putting it virtually into his eyeball".

2. He brings Little Bro's toys to him. All of them. Every toy he owns is piled up on top of him, each delicately balanced on the last. Thankfully, Big Bro leaves him a breathing hole.

3. He is considerate of his little brother. He ensures everyone is aware of when Little Bro needs to sleep.

4. When Big Bro does his routine distribution of novelty hats (the wearing of which is not optional), he has begun to bring one for Little Bro, too. If this isn't a sure sign that you're in the club, I don't know what is.

5. And finally, Big Bro enjoys spending time with his brother. When we go somewhere, even to a different floor of the house, he'll often insist that the baby comes too. Or he'll rock him in his car seat when he's upset, pat him on the head or stuff a soother in his mouth.

Or, they'll eye each other from across the table, or Big Bro will lie down head-to-head with him on the floor, and they'll just start to giggle as if they're up to something.

Uh oh. Okay, guys, let's not get TOO chummy, now. I can see the scheming begin already.

How did you know your new family addition was officially "In the Club"?

Foreshadowing

Every once in a while, the kids give me a glimpse of what's to come.

People always joke that people who have baby sons will have to buy a deep freeze in 14 years' time to house all that food that's going to keep disappearing. It's no wives' tale. I am familiar with how much teenage boys eat; my brother always had his rear end sticking out of the fridge. So with two sons with tall genes, I guess I'm doubly doomed.

I see my kids eat even now, and they can put it away. Little Bro is loving him some solids. And isn't this supposed to be the 'picky toddler' stage? It can be tough to get him to the table, but once he's there, look out. I learned in a toddler nutrition workshop that a 'serving' of toast for a toddler is as little as 1/4 piece. That's one serving?? In that case, my kid often eats eight servings of toast in a sitting.

 My husband already tries to snag anything that I don't seem to want on my plate (he should know by now I'm saving the best for last!), and now I'm going to be competing with two hungry boys too.

Don't get me wrong... I'm glad they eat well and highly encourage it, but it looks like we'd better start saving up for groceries. Never mind RESPs.

A Different World

Since I haven't had time to draw lately, I thought I'd share an early observation that I'd drawn in the early days but never posted. You can tell it's old because Big Bro is only about six months old... *sniff*... so little...

Before I got married, I went to one of those wedding expos to get some good ideas, but mostly to have a fun day out with a friend. There was no shortage of photographers, florists, stylists, jewelers, caterers and limousine services. You could get your ring polished, try on dresses and sample cupcakes. Videos of tropical destination weddings played on TV screens. There were businesses that would rent chocolate fountains or release bejeweled doves into the air for you. Doves! With little heart stickers on their heads! Talk about decadence.

Fast forward a few years later. After my son was born, I went to the Baby Expo that is held in Ottawa every year. It was pretty much the same, only totally different.

I recall being offered a sample at one of the booths; a cloth package with a zipper. Sweet! I love samples. I was happy to take one. What could it be?

Yup, it was a bit of a different world now. 

Picking Battles

I think I get it now when I think back to the little girls I'd see walking around the mall with their parents in a princess dress. I'd wonder how they were allowed to go out like that.

You gotta pick your battles, as they say.

Big Bro is on a blue kick; he loves the colour blue and anything lucky enough to be blue. Blue markers, blue blocks, blue cars, blue Flintstone vitamins (though I had to tell him those don't exist). I think his little bro even got some points because he has blue eyes.

I like to give Big Bro choices so he has a feeling of autonomy. But if I give him the choice between his green shirt and orange shirt, he will choose the blue one. I wish I'd known this was coming before I bought, you know, a variety of shirts.

So, what was I saying about battles? Some battles are worth picking, such as:

- 2-year-old wants to drive the car: worth picking
-2-year-old wants to 'store' family friend's Ticket to Ride game pieces in the heating vent: worth picking
- 2-year-old wants to eat a block of butter with a fork: worth picking
 
But if said 2-year-old wants to pick all his clothes just based on whether they're blue? Maybe I can let him have this one. Sometimes.

So, from his selection of shirts, he picks the stained souvenir T-shirt from Nunavut with the fish on it... because it's blue.

From the multi-coloured selection of socks (or the option of no socks, considering it's been 36 with humidex lately), he picks the big fuzzy ones... because they're blue.

He has two pairs of sneakers... one casual, stylish pair and one good pair for running around. And oh yeah, he has some cheapo blue croc knockoffs meant for when we go to splash pads and whatnot. So, crocs it is, of course.

So if you're out at the mall and you see a kid dressed like this,

Chances are he's with me.

Well, why not, eh?  It's what being a kid is all about, he's showing off some, uh, personality, and besides... if I let him have this one, he'll likely be more receptive later on when I deny him that block of butter.